Of the many things that I’ve grown up learning into this IT industry, is the importance of the days called ‘weekends’. Usually, we find accustomed to such 5-day-working schedule right from our college days. But, then Saturday was just another holiday, an added advantage, sort of icing over the cake. We never understood its importance as we never sweated through our days called ‘weekdays’, back then. But now, it’s this Saturday, which is the most awaited. Saturday, indeed, has become a ‘celebrity’ among all the rest of the six peers of his, and we whole-heartedly despise Monday, amongst all, as if it’s the villain. Somehow, Sunday has lost its charm the way it had, in the school days.
Anyways, the point is, we now desperately wait for these two days to arrive so that we can do the things that we can’t during the weekdays, or simply not do anything at all! To which, I’m reminded of a question that most of us are either frequently struck with or even like to pry…..”How do you spend your weekends?” As if the answer can somehow help us measure the quality of a person’s life. Or that even spending a weekend is an art in itself! Mostly, my answer to the question is “Nothing, just relaxing..” and this is subjected to further scrutiny by the questioning body as “how is it possible that you do nothing on weekends?” and then there is piling up of some unwanted advices as “….you should go out with your folks……watch a movie……meet old friends……go partying…call the relatives….etc. etc.”
Initially, it would even make me give a little thought over the ‘art of spending a weekend’, but then I realized that I do exactly what I expect from a weekend. First of all, “..doing nothing…” isn’t an absolute phrase, it’s just a metaphor that means “…doing nothing that might interest you, or amuse you…” and why should it when it’s YOUR time, not anyone else’s. Secondly, I don’t believe that ‘doing nothing’ means ‘wasting time’. Instead, it’s the time we spend it with ourselves, completely.
For me, ‘doing nothing’ comprises of some movie watching which is mostly a pleasurable time and in my case, it even leaves an impression (commonly known as movie after-effects) which might even strike a chord within. Then there is some random roaming around the market place or the garden, to get some fresh air in and feel lively. Usually, after buying stuff (you always need to buy something on every weekend, even at a mere sight of a shop!), I just sit down with a coke can and look around. I look around at people who’re looking back at me, possibly both of us trying to figure out that have we ever seen each other before (every one of us has déjà vu!). I look around at people who’re as busy as they might appear on any other day, as if the weekend doesn’t make much difference to them. I look at few couples who’re happy together, and I feel good as they bring smile on my face due to the momentary lapse of realization of my own loneliness. Then there are people whose smile cannot conceal their sadness, and they constantly try to create an illusion of themselves having a jolly good time, even when they probably wish to be somewhere else, or with someone else, or may be alone. Then there are eyes searching for some shop to buy from, or someone to meet, or maybe they’re the ones doing the same thing that I am, just searching for emotions in other’s eyes.
This ‘seeing around’ is so intense that we even lose track of time, just sitting at a place. By every passerby that we notice, somewhere we start creating our own picture of him, portraying his personality in our own imaginative ways. His each action or movements adds a blend to his impression in us. We may continuously erase, redraw and add colors to that image but we might not realize whether the personality we’re drawing matches the real character. And from here begins the reign of our ‘judgment’. We start acting upon that image instead of the real character. This leads us to either overestimating or underestimating others. This thought process has to be controlled and can be done only by allowing it to flow, make impressions, draw images, but not FRAME them.
So much for so less time! Now, it won’t be fair enough to judge ‘doing nothing’ by just sleeping or being lazy, will it!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Choices..
In every phase of life, and for every Action or Decision that we take, we spent most of the time dealing with CHOICES. I have a different understanding of the two words – Choices and Options. Options are something that might be derived of all the POSSIBILITIES, but Choices are those ‘options’ that are derived from the FEASIBILITIES. These feasibilities will depend upon our own willingness, or on someone else’s, or they might depend upon the situation.
What makes me feel or write about such crappish philosophy today, is the fact that for quite a long time now, I’ve been struggling with these choices. It makes me feel so helpless at times when the mind and heart do not conform to one another that I simply want to shut myself from everything, shred the responsibility and carelessly pick one.
There are times when opportunities allure us so intensely that one overlooks the options, and form choices just on the basis of the fragility of his own state of mind. This is worse as his decisions or actions might change the course of life so drastically that he might not even be able to look back and pin-point what went wrong, if it does. It hits him so badly that he might forget at all what made him take such a course.
But, the worst condition is that when he’s not the one to make the choices. It’s being served to him and he has to choose. Firstly, the limitation itself chokes him and then the consequences of each choice leave him crippled, nauseated and frustrated.
Right from the day when we started recognizing our identity and began creating memories of ourselves, we were thrown into this vicious dungeon of choices. To buy bicycle or a football? ‘cos you can’t have both of them. To take Science or commerce? Here we didn’t have much to choose because the day we enter our last two best years of school, the devil of ‘competition’ grabs us from both his hands, ready to engulf our childhood and innocence. And then there’s no return.
Engineering or simple bachelors in Science? Or a diploma in Computers? Once done with them, which college? Which stream? Which company? Which Technology? In these choices, somewhere a cricketer or a painter or a musician or an artist is already strangled in no time. And when we do realize this vaguely, we are already doing the same with our own children. Even the realization of this trap doesn’t free us even then, or lets us free the ones that we love. Why is this love had to be like the handcuffs? We feel handcuffed throughout our lives, by our parents, by our expectations, by this ruthless world where the ‘right to live’ has been changed by ‘earn your living’ rule. Why do we pass these same handcuffs to the coming generations? Where is our freedom? Where is the CHOICE?
What makes me feel or write about such crappish philosophy today, is the fact that for quite a long time now, I’ve been struggling with these choices. It makes me feel so helpless at times when the mind and heart do not conform to one another that I simply want to shut myself from everything, shred the responsibility and carelessly pick one.
There are times when opportunities allure us so intensely that one overlooks the options, and form choices just on the basis of the fragility of his own state of mind. This is worse as his decisions or actions might change the course of life so drastically that he might not even be able to look back and pin-point what went wrong, if it does. It hits him so badly that he might forget at all what made him take such a course.
But, the worst condition is that when he’s not the one to make the choices. It’s being served to him and he has to choose. Firstly, the limitation itself chokes him and then the consequences of each choice leave him crippled, nauseated and frustrated.
Right from the day when we started recognizing our identity and began creating memories of ourselves, we were thrown into this vicious dungeon of choices. To buy bicycle or a football? ‘cos you can’t have both of them. To take Science or commerce? Here we didn’t have much to choose because the day we enter our last two best years of school, the devil of ‘competition’ grabs us from both his hands, ready to engulf our childhood and innocence. And then there’s no return.
Engineering or simple bachelors in Science? Or a diploma in Computers? Once done with them, which college? Which stream? Which company? Which Technology? In these choices, somewhere a cricketer or a painter or a musician or an artist is already strangled in no time. And when we do realize this vaguely, we are already doing the same with our own children. Even the realization of this trap doesn’t free us even then, or lets us free the ones that we love. Why is this love had to be like the handcuffs? We feel handcuffed throughout our lives, by our parents, by our expectations, by this ruthless world where the ‘right to live’ has been changed by ‘earn your living’ rule. Why do we pass these same handcuffs to the coming generations? Where is our freedom? Where is the CHOICE?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Contemplations.....
Finally, with all sorts of motivation, courage and ditching the laziness, I’ve decided to make another post in my blog. Not wanting to acknowledge the time that passed since my last blog entry, I certainly do realize where I’ve reached since then.
Looking at the date, I came to know that today I’ve completed 17 months at Accenture, at Pune and in this so called ‘the IT industry’. The journey has, nevertheless, been fascinating so far. And the time does teach a lot of things.
Not that I’ve never written or wanted to write a post during all this time. But it always ended up saved as a .txt file in the hard disk or sometimes even unwritten and buried inside the memory, mostly because they were weird at times, unorganized, or very saddening (depending upon the mood that day!). But, today it rushed through me.
To do a recap, this journey has been colorful, mixed with all sorts of emotions. From the Luxurious and ‘crowded’ flat of Roystonea to the shreds and Loneliness of ‘Shrishti’ apartment to the Peace here at ‘Kumar paradise’, it did bring up a variety of thoughts and lessons to learn. It taught me how live and adjust with friends (now I mostly refer to them as ‘roommates’ or ‘flat-mates’, the terms that I myself used to despise) and still be all alone. It has taught me how to respect their egos and suppress your own, at times, to make peace. I did understand the importance of concentrating on the job done, rather than arguing upon who’d be doing it. This is, perhaps, what people call ‘growing up’.
But then, to ‘grow-up’ means a lot more at the social level than the personal level. Your age starts to get noticed, the responsibilities that waited for so long start to creep up on you and it’s only you who has to own your decisions and bear the consequences, if any. You can no longer wait for ‘the right time to come’ and sort the things out, instead, you now curse the pace of time. Sometimes, time goes so slow that you just want it to accelerate and take you forward (may be a few months ahead), and sometimes it goes so fast that you miss it for the tasks undone. Then, you realize that it’s just the matter of your mismanagement that you just can’t cope up.
Also, it’s not only you who is growing, but the others around you tend to do the same. And, the worst part is, they tend to develop all sorts of ‘negativity’ too, that you’ve been facing. You now curse them for not listening to you even when you’re the one too, who wants to be heard more than to listen to them. You earn, and so do they. You want to sleep, and so do they. You want to spend good time, and so do they. You want to watch a movie, they might not. You want to clean the room, they might not. You don’t want to go out shopping, they want to. You don’t want to go for biking, they might want to. It’s just that the frequency that used to match even without uttering a word, now doesn’t happen, even with a lot of persuasion.
From all the things that I miss from my college days, the important ones are the friends and the family, and the unimportant ones are the booze, stick, matamandir tea, chappan and Counter Strike. Topics of discussion have drifted from cricket, movies, girls, life to Companies, Promotions, Salary, Career and of course the inevitable, ‘The Marriage’.
Moments that count as the ‘good times’ today – Phone call of a ‘close-to-heart but far-from-sight’ friend, Facebook chats, Lunch time with colleagues, playing Pool, Outings with Friends. Hey, but these things were a day-to-day ‘schedule’ during college times, didn’t they!
The time has already begun to take big decisions, to hold the steering in your hand. I just hope to drive safe…. ;-)
Looking at the date, I came to know that today I’ve completed 17 months at Accenture, at Pune and in this so called ‘the IT industry’. The journey has, nevertheless, been fascinating so far. And the time does teach a lot of things.
Not that I’ve never written or wanted to write a post during all this time. But it always ended up saved as a .txt file in the hard disk or sometimes even unwritten and buried inside the memory, mostly because they were weird at times, unorganized, or very saddening (depending upon the mood that day!). But, today it rushed through me.
To do a recap, this journey has been colorful, mixed with all sorts of emotions. From the Luxurious and ‘crowded’ flat of Roystonea to the shreds and Loneliness of ‘Shrishti’ apartment to the Peace here at ‘Kumar paradise’, it did bring up a variety of thoughts and lessons to learn. It taught me how live and adjust with friends (now I mostly refer to them as ‘roommates’ or ‘flat-mates’, the terms that I myself used to despise) and still be all alone. It has taught me how to respect their egos and suppress your own, at times, to make peace. I did understand the importance of concentrating on the job done, rather than arguing upon who’d be doing it. This is, perhaps, what people call ‘growing up’.
But then, to ‘grow-up’ means a lot more at the social level than the personal level. Your age starts to get noticed, the responsibilities that waited for so long start to creep up on you and it’s only you who has to own your decisions and bear the consequences, if any. You can no longer wait for ‘the right time to come’ and sort the things out, instead, you now curse the pace of time. Sometimes, time goes so slow that you just want it to accelerate and take you forward (may be a few months ahead), and sometimes it goes so fast that you miss it for the tasks undone. Then, you realize that it’s just the matter of your mismanagement that you just can’t cope up.
Also, it’s not only you who is growing, but the others around you tend to do the same. And, the worst part is, they tend to develop all sorts of ‘negativity’ too, that you’ve been facing. You now curse them for not listening to you even when you’re the one too, who wants to be heard more than to listen to them. You earn, and so do they. You want to sleep, and so do they. You want to spend good time, and so do they. You want to watch a movie, they might not. You want to clean the room, they might not. You don’t want to go out shopping, they want to. You don’t want to go for biking, they might want to. It’s just that the frequency that used to match even without uttering a word, now doesn’t happen, even with a lot of persuasion.
From all the things that I miss from my college days, the important ones are the friends and the family, and the unimportant ones are the booze, stick, matamandir tea, chappan and Counter Strike. Topics of discussion have drifted from cricket, movies, girls, life to Companies, Promotions, Salary, Career and of course the inevitable, ‘The Marriage’.
Moments that count as the ‘good times’ today – Phone call of a ‘close-to-heart but far-from-sight’ friend, Facebook chats, Lunch time with colleagues, playing Pool, Outings with Friends. Hey, but these things were a day-to-day ‘schedule’ during college times, didn’t they!
The time has already begun to take big decisions, to hold the steering in your hand. I just hope to drive safe…. ;-)
Thursday, September 24, 2009
void lyf()
So, here I am, sitting in this so called PDC2 SEZ building, Accenture Pune at my designated terminal with a bunch of identities hung around my neck, one of them depicting me being an employee of some organisation and the other for getting access into this building where I'm sitting. Outside the window, I can see weather changing from light sunny to a beautiful cloudy evening. I want to feel the air rush into me, smell the first drops of water in the soil, but I can't. Thank god, I can have a look at it atleast, and anyways, I don't have time to enjoy all of this, I don't have the 'access card' for it, i guess....
A month has come to an end, and I wonder how had it been. Just a to and fro from the flat(not at all home..) to the office has left no time even to plan to go somewhere, explore this new city, hang out, or meet old friends. All I remember is the sessions I'd attended, the tests given and yet to give, the functions I've written in C (ofcourse a few of them were VOIDs like me...but even they had some purpose). Following the programming syntactics, solving case studies, and yeah, playing pool in the games room is what takes most of my life nowdays. But I seem to enjoy only the last thing I mentioned. Some of the new friends I'v met here have not gotten far from being acquaintances, because there is no time to work on the relationships, in contrast to what I got in 2.5 months at SGSITS. Professional life is all about pretence, and there is no space for personal self, and so I guess, seems to be the reason why I find myself gasping for air even in our 1500+sq.feet 'big' flat.
Turning back, I can see almost 60 of my peers(mildly put...competitors precisely) working hard to finish the tasks assigned by the trainer. I can even look at the girl whose smile makes my day. But then, as usual, I've lost even before I could fight. She has got her 'reason' to smile. Also, I can see few of my college mates too who are no familiar or stranger than any other person in the room.
They say, I think too much. But then, how can one spend even a minute of his life without thinking what its gonna be, or how is it gonna be. Here, at accenture we are taught to align our 'goals and objectives' to the organisation's. But I can't even find one to align with what. Don't know how long will this state of mind(if its just that...!!) going to continue.....and a change is what I need now.
A month has come to an end, and I wonder how had it been. Just a to and fro from the flat(not at all home..) to the office has left no time even to plan to go somewhere, explore this new city, hang out, or meet old friends. All I remember is the sessions I'd attended, the tests given and yet to give, the functions I've written in C (ofcourse a few of them were VOIDs like me...but even they had some purpose). Following the programming syntactics, solving case studies, and yeah, playing pool in the games room is what takes most of my life nowdays. But I seem to enjoy only the last thing I mentioned. Some of the new friends I'v met here have not gotten far from being acquaintances, because there is no time to work on the relationships, in contrast to what I got in 2.5 months at SGSITS. Professional life is all about pretence, and there is no space for personal self, and so I guess, seems to be the reason why I find myself gasping for air even in our 1500+sq.feet 'big' flat.
Turning back, I can see almost 60 of my peers(mildly put...competitors precisely) working hard to finish the tasks assigned by the trainer. I can even look at the girl whose smile makes my day. But then, as usual, I've lost even before I could fight. She has got her 'reason' to smile. Also, I can see few of my college mates too who are no familiar or stranger than any other person in the room.
They say, I think too much. But then, how can one spend even a minute of his life without thinking what its gonna be, or how is it gonna be. Here, at accenture we are taught to align our 'goals and objectives' to the organisation's. But I can't even find one to align with what. Don't know how long will this state of mind(if its just that...!!) going to continue.....and a change is what I need now.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
On d othr syd of d fence...
............Looking back at the last one and a half month seems nothing more than a scheduled plan or a routine followed by a normal working man. But the ‘working’ isn’t as normal for the ‘man’ as it should. Apart from a day-to-day lecture plan, formal dress-up and white dust of the chalk here and there on my trousers, a set of transformations have also accompanied me on this new journey.
I remember having a silly ambition of being a teacher or a professor in my early school days, as I could see the clarity of concepts (and so the thoughts, I believed then) in my favorite teachers. And I should now say that those were the people who really deserved to be called a ‘teacher’.
Being a lecturer brought an undiscovered and unexpected path that led to what I believe as ‘introspection’. Not only the giggles of back-benchers and the curious eyes watching you teach make you feel conscious, but it’s the inner self, too, that compels you to explore your own strength and weakness, your ability to express, communicate, and impart the most valuable asset in this world, ‘knowledge’. I felt it as not merely a ‘job’ I had, but a ‘responsibility’ I carried.
Oh well, now I’m being quite boring but there’s a lot more fun to be on the other side of the fence. Like, to start with, no matter how good you might prepare your lecture, you certainly have to face the backbenchers, who might not be harsh, but certainly annoying sometimes. To be asked in between the lecture was actually exhilarating.
The best part comes during exams, when you are the one to set a paper (remembering the days when you used to curse the person who did that for you…!), invigilate (seeing people trying to cheat is actually annoying as in a sense, the cheater is trying to deceive your presence, which you don’t like at all..!! And yeah, I must say the all different kinds of faces that an examinee makes while going through various emotional and psychological upheavals, are very funny…!) and then to check those answer sheets (when you have to go through certain matter a hundred times or worse, to cut marks for a common mistake made by half of the class. But certainly there are answers that will always make you laugh, or even cry…!). In a way, I ‘completed’ my college life now.
...........Another phase of life that now comes to an end after the news of joining at accenture will certainly remain penned down in the heart and the blog is mere a preface.
I remember having a silly ambition of being a teacher or a professor in my early school days, as I could see the clarity of concepts (and so the thoughts, I believed then) in my favorite teachers. And I should now say that those were the people who really deserved to be called a ‘teacher’.
Being a lecturer brought an undiscovered and unexpected path that led to what I believe as ‘introspection’. Not only the giggles of back-benchers and the curious eyes watching you teach make you feel conscious, but it’s the inner self, too, that compels you to explore your own strength and weakness, your ability to express, communicate, and impart the most valuable asset in this world, ‘knowledge’. I felt it as not merely a ‘job’ I had, but a ‘responsibility’ I carried.
Oh well, now I’m being quite boring but there’s a lot more fun to be on the other side of the fence. Like, to start with, no matter how good you might prepare your lecture, you certainly have to face the backbenchers, who might not be harsh, but certainly annoying sometimes. To be asked in between the lecture was actually exhilarating.
The best part comes during exams, when you are the one to set a paper (remembering the days when you used to curse the person who did that for you…!), invigilate (seeing people trying to cheat is actually annoying as in a sense, the cheater is trying to deceive your presence, which you don’t like at all..!! And yeah, I must say the all different kinds of faces that an examinee makes while going through various emotional and psychological upheavals, are very funny…!) and then to check those answer sheets (when you have to go through certain matter a hundred times or worse, to cut marks for a common mistake made by half of the class. But certainly there are answers that will always make you laugh, or even cry…!). In a way, I ‘completed’ my college life now.
...........Another phase of life that now comes to an end after the news of joining at accenture will certainly remain penned down in the heart and the blog is mere a preface.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
3 Big Days...
There had been times, especially at MANIT, when it felt like we’ve had enough in a very short span of time, lots of events together, lots of emotional swings….but then, I can’t perhaps forget the last three days I’d spent, and probably I might be underestimating them right now, and would lately realize the course of my life that these three days might’ve brought and I might’ve forsaken them.
Day 1, 16th June, brought two lucrative offers, lectureship at SGSITS and an interview call from Yodlee. The first one was rather unexpected, actually both of them were, but more or less it was more surprising. After days of hardships and efforts, finally the fruit had ripened and paved the way for a full-fledged commitment towards something for the time being. There wasn’t a doubt while accepting the offer, considering the job and the salary (14k was too much to think). Then, there was another unexpected call from yodlee, asking for a face-to-face interview at Bangalore on the coming Tuesday. That was rather unusual and unattractive, considering the efforts (time and money, of course…) that were required and my own mindset about the company and the package, of course. Also a tinge of resentment due to their earlier cancellation of telephonic interview proved to be the ‘last nail in the grave’ for dropping the offer. Now, when I think about that day, the yodlee offer seems a chance or an option by the almighty as against the overconfidence I had in Accenture.
Day 2, 17th June, brought news, a bad one actually, that grows my anxiety day by day. Accenture had contacted TPO regarding the delay of joining, which was earlier understood, but not taken seriously due to the ‘good’ reputation of the company, but has now elevated fears after such an official announcement amidst the ‘lose-lose’ situation of many batch mates like us. Not only the security of ‘having a sure-shot job in hand with near joining date’ was breached, but an unsaid trust was broken. It’s like standing on an island, watching the rise of level inch by inch and having a blind faith that we won’t drown, and that shiver felt when for the first time the water touches our feet.
Day 3, 18th June, was perhaps one of the longest days I ever had and the ‘final blow’, so as to say, among the three days. The day started as the first day at SGSITS, as a lecturer, but the classes weren’t commencing so there was none to lecture to. I got to meet my other new fellow mates, who were as excited as I was, and then the HOD of CS department, Mr. Khan Sir, who was awkwardly helpful and energetic. Some ‘strategies’ were discussed with him regarding the subject distribution, teaching methodology, etc. On the way to home after an exhausting discussion, I received a call that was no less than a call from the God himself. It was from the admission section, MDI gurgaon, regarding the vacancy in the PGPHR course opted by me and, rejected and thrown into a waitlist by them, that was never meant to be cleared, but was now in my hands to accept or deny that seat. Was it a destiny’s chance or the Almighty’s way of bringing ‘twist and turn’ into the real life stories like mine, I was dumbstruck, unprepared for such a decision. I couldn’t say yes and never wanted to say no. I asked the person on the line to grant me sometime to reply, and he gave me exactly ‘some’ time of just few hours. Somehow, I composed my lightening thoughts and reached home. Then started a heavy round of discussion with almost everyone I met, or talked over phone, about the possibilities, the consequences and my own limitations. Everyone was more of a ‘convincing’ his own point rather than ‘suggesting’ or at least trying to understand me. Issues like poor placements at MDI, HR course, whooping fees structure and un-arrangeable first installment, bank rates of education loan, average package were discussed from length to breadth. But one thing that couldn’t be cleared was my own interest for which even I wasn’t sure. And one thing that was crystal clear, was the silver (if not golden) opportunity that I was about to abandon. There was a period of ‘yes’ when the discussion was almost leading to my admission, and then after a while or someone’s opinion, it was a ‘no’ and the discussion was flowing towards CAT’09 preparation for better opportunity, PSU jobs, etc. I didn’t know when I was able to drown everything into a blissful sleep, but knew that they would come up again the other morning with the sunrise. Finally, ‘no’ was the answer that gave peace to my soul, and a commitment (more of a ‘surrender’) that this wasn’t an end, even if it was.
The only wish I can make now is that those three days and those tough decisions prove to be apt and even if they don’t, they just teach a healthy lesson, and never become a future ‘remorse’.
Day 1, 16th June, brought two lucrative offers, lectureship at SGSITS and an interview call from Yodlee. The first one was rather unexpected, actually both of them were, but more or less it was more surprising. After days of hardships and efforts, finally the fruit had ripened and paved the way for a full-fledged commitment towards something for the time being. There wasn’t a doubt while accepting the offer, considering the job and the salary (14k was too much to think). Then, there was another unexpected call from yodlee, asking for a face-to-face interview at Bangalore on the coming Tuesday. That was rather unusual and unattractive, considering the efforts (time and money, of course…) that were required and my own mindset about the company and the package, of course. Also a tinge of resentment due to their earlier cancellation of telephonic interview proved to be the ‘last nail in the grave’ for dropping the offer. Now, when I think about that day, the yodlee offer seems a chance or an option by the almighty as against the overconfidence I had in Accenture.
Day 2, 17th June, brought news, a bad one actually, that grows my anxiety day by day. Accenture had contacted TPO regarding the delay of joining, which was earlier understood, but not taken seriously due to the ‘good’ reputation of the company, but has now elevated fears after such an official announcement amidst the ‘lose-lose’ situation of many batch mates like us. Not only the security of ‘having a sure-shot job in hand with near joining date’ was breached, but an unsaid trust was broken. It’s like standing on an island, watching the rise of level inch by inch and having a blind faith that we won’t drown, and that shiver felt when for the first time the water touches our feet.
Day 3, 18th June, was perhaps one of the longest days I ever had and the ‘final blow’, so as to say, among the three days. The day started as the first day at SGSITS, as a lecturer, but the classes weren’t commencing so there was none to lecture to. I got to meet my other new fellow mates, who were as excited as I was, and then the HOD of CS department, Mr. Khan Sir, who was awkwardly helpful and energetic. Some ‘strategies’ were discussed with him regarding the subject distribution, teaching methodology, etc. On the way to home after an exhausting discussion, I received a call that was no less than a call from the God himself. It was from the admission section, MDI gurgaon, regarding the vacancy in the PGPHR course opted by me and, rejected and thrown into a waitlist by them, that was never meant to be cleared, but was now in my hands to accept or deny that seat. Was it a destiny’s chance or the Almighty’s way of bringing ‘twist and turn’ into the real life stories like mine, I was dumbstruck, unprepared for such a decision. I couldn’t say yes and never wanted to say no. I asked the person on the line to grant me sometime to reply, and he gave me exactly ‘some’ time of just few hours. Somehow, I composed my lightening thoughts and reached home. Then started a heavy round of discussion with almost everyone I met, or talked over phone, about the possibilities, the consequences and my own limitations. Everyone was more of a ‘convincing’ his own point rather than ‘suggesting’ or at least trying to understand me. Issues like poor placements at MDI, HR course, whooping fees structure and un-arrangeable first installment, bank rates of education loan, average package were discussed from length to breadth. But one thing that couldn’t be cleared was my own interest for which even I wasn’t sure. And one thing that was crystal clear, was the silver (if not golden) opportunity that I was about to abandon. There was a period of ‘yes’ when the discussion was almost leading to my admission, and then after a while or someone’s opinion, it was a ‘no’ and the discussion was flowing towards CAT’09 preparation for better opportunity, PSU jobs, etc. I didn’t know when I was able to drown everything into a blissful sleep, but knew that they would come up again the other morning with the sunrise. Finally, ‘no’ was the answer that gave peace to my soul, and a commitment (more of a ‘surrender’) that this wasn’t an end, even if it was.
The only wish I can make now is that those three days and those tough decisions prove to be apt and even if they don’t, they just teach a healthy lesson, and never become a future ‘remorse’.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Tough Time...
More than a month has passed leaving MANIT and the phase has changed completely. Clock ticks at a slower pace now, and when there’s nothing specific to do, one can even get caught counting the seconds. But this month has been a longer one for me, spent almost waiting.
The usual task that I can remember during the month was posting and forwarding my pathetic CV, which consists nothing more than a loser’s act of hiding the incompetence. Oops! That’s too harsh on me….
But then, there were lot of things to learn from such a vanity. To begin with, I started valuing my campus placement at accenture, that earlier seemed a cake walk at the time of placements and at that time I felt like obliging them! Then I felt empathy with all those who haven’t gotten through anywhere and have nothing in reserve, who after spending few lakhs on engineering, struggle to get a job worth few grands.
I also felt the sweat of hopelessness oozing out, when the ‘forwarding my CV’-thing didn’t really work due to various different reasons converging to few- my being a NITian, or having a job, or simply the so called recession. I always feared this, but underestimated it, or may be overestimated myself, and not getting into MDI meant 4 months straight in hand that now seem to pass with futility.
But this isn’t all, what really bites is the confusion. The confusion about the course of life, which can be changed by will right now or it may follow the time on its own. ‘Change’ isn’t that dreadful, but when the reason and result of the change isn’t known, one always prefers to stand still.
But then, there were lot of goodies too, my b’day being one of the best days. Met lot of friends, got lots of wishes, both expected and as a surprise. A get together now seems the best option to kill time that we enjoy every few days.
The pain of leaving friends and college is now getting replaced slowly, by a new pain, of getting left behind in the rush of time.
The usual task that I can remember during the month was posting and forwarding my pathetic CV, which consists nothing more than a loser’s act of hiding the incompetence. Oops! That’s too harsh on me….
But then, there were lot of things to learn from such a vanity. To begin with, I started valuing my campus placement at accenture, that earlier seemed a cake walk at the time of placements and at that time I felt like obliging them! Then I felt empathy with all those who haven’t gotten through anywhere and have nothing in reserve, who after spending few lakhs on engineering, struggle to get a job worth few grands.
I also felt the sweat of hopelessness oozing out, when the ‘forwarding my CV’-thing didn’t really work due to various different reasons converging to few- my being a NITian, or having a job, or simply the so called recession. I always feared this, but underestimated it, or may be overestimated myself, and not getting into MDI meant 4 months straight in hand that now seem to pass with futility.
But this isn’t all, what really bites is the confusion. The confusion about the course of life, which can be changed by will right now or it may follow the time on its own. ‘Change’ isn’t that dreadful, but when the reason and result of the change isn’t known, one always prefers to stand still.
But then, there were lot of goodies too, my b’day being one of the best days. Met lot of friends, got lots of wishes, both expected and as a surprise. A get together now seems the best option to kill time that we enjoy every few days.
The pain of leaving friends and college is now getting replaced slowly, by a new pain, of getting left behind in the rush of time.
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