So, here I am, sitting in this so called PDC2 SEZ building, Accenture Pune at my designated terminal with a bunch of identities hung around my neck, one of them depicting me being an employee of some organisation and the other for getting access into this building where I'm sitting. Outside the window, I can see weather changing from light sunny to a beautiful cloudy evening. I want to feel the air rush into me, smell the first drops of water in the soil, but I can't. Thank god, I can have a look at it atleast, and anyways, I don't have time to enjoy all of this, I don't have the 'access card' for it, i guess....
A month has come to an end, and I wonder how had it been. Just a to and fro from the flat(not at all home..) to the office has left no time even to plan to go somewhere, explore this new city, hang out, or meet old friends. All I remember is the sessions I'd attended, the tests given and yet to give, the functions I've written in C (ofcourse a few of them were VOIDs like me...but even they had some purpose). Following the programming syntactics, solving case studies, and yeah, playing pool in the games room is what takes most of my life nowdays. But I seem to enjoy only the last thing I mentioned. Some of the new friends I'v met here have not gotten far from being acquaintances, because there is no time to work on the relationships, in contrast to what I got in 2.5 months at SGSITS. Professional life is all about pretence, and there is no space for personal self, and so I guess, seems to be the reason why I find myself gasping for air even in our 1500+sq.feet 'big' flat.
Turning back, I can see almost 60 of my peers(mildly put...competitors precisely) working hard to finish the tasks assigned by the trainer. I can even look at the girl whose smile makes my day. But then, as usual, I've lost even before I could fight. She has got her 'reason' to smile. Also, I can see few of my college mates too who are no familiar or stranger than any other person in the room.
They say, I think too much. But then, how can one spend even a minute of his life without thinking what its gonna be, or how is it gonna be. Here, at accenture we are taught to align our 'goals and objectives' to the organisation's. But I can't even find one to align with what. Don't know how long will this state of mind(if its just that...!!) going to continue.....and a change is what I need now.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
On d othr syd of d fence...
............Looking back at the last one and a half month seems nothing more than a scheduled plan or a routine followed by a normal working man. But the ‘working’ isn’t as normal for the ‘man’ as it should. Apart from a day-to-day lecture plan, formal dress-up and white dust of the chalk here and there on my trousers, a set of transformations have also accompanied me on this new journey.
I remember having a silly ambition of being a teacher or a professor in my early school days, as I could see the clarity of concepts (and so the thoughts, I believed then) in my favorite teachers. And I should now say that those were the people who really deserved to be called a ‘teacher’.
Being a lecturer brought an undiscovered and unexpected path that led to what I believe as ‘introspection’. Not only the giggles of back-benchers and the curious eyes watching you teach make you feel conscious, but it’s the inner self, too, that compels you to explore your own strength and weakness, your ability to express, communicate, and impart the most valuable asset in this world, ‘knowledge’. I felt it as not merely a ‘job’ I had, but a ‘responsibility’ I carried.
Oh well, now I’m being quite boring but there’s a lot more fun to be on the other side of the fence. Like, to start with, no matter how good you might prepare your lecture, you certainly have to face the backbenchers, who might not be harsh, but certainly annoying sometimes. To be asked in between the lecture was actually exhilarating.
The best part comes during exams, when you are the one to set a paper (remembering the days when you used to curse the person who did that for you…!), invigilate (seeing people trying to cheat is actually annoying as in a sense, the cheater is trying to deceive your presence, which you don’t like at all..!! And yeah, I must say the all different kinds of faces that an examinee makes while going through various emotional and psychological upheavals, are very funny…!) and then to check those answer sheets (when you have to go through certain matter a hundred times or worse, to cut marks for a common mistake made by half of the class. But certainly there are answers that will always make you laugh, or even cry…!). In a way, I ‘completed’ my college life now.
...........Another phase of life that now comes to an end after the news of joining at accenture will certainly remain penned down in the heart and the blog is mere a preface.
I remember having a silly ambition of being a teacher or a professor in my early school days, as I could see the clarity of concepts (and so the thoughts, I believed then) in my favorite teachers. And I should now say that those were the people who really deserved to be called a ‘teacher’.
Being a lecturer brought an undiscovered and unexpected path that led to what I believe as ‘introspection’. Not only the giggles of back-benchers and the curious eyes watching you teach make you feel conscious, but it’s the inner self, too, that compels you to explore your own strength and weakness, your ability to express, communicate, and impart the most valuable asset in this world, ‘knowledge’. I felt it as not merely a ‘job’ I had, but a ‘responsibility’ I carried.
Oh well, now I’m being quite boring but there’s a lot more fun to be on the other side of the fence. Like, to start with, no matter how good you might prepare your lecture, you certainly have to face the backbenchers, who might not be harsh, but certainly annoying sometimes. To be asked in between the lecture was actually exhilarating.
The best part comes during exams, when you are the one to set a paper (remembering the days when you used to curse the person who did that for you…!), invigilate (seeing people trying to cheat is actually annoying as in a sense, the cheater is trying to deceive your presence, which you don’t like at all..!! And yeah, I must say the all different kinds of faces that an examinee makes while going through various emotional and psychological upheavals, are very funny…!) and then to check those answer sheets (when you have to go through certain matter a hundred times or worse, to cut marks for a common mistake made by half of the class. But certainly there are answers that will always make you laugh, or even cry…!). In a way, I ‘completed’ my college life now.
...........Another phase of life that now comes to an end after the news of joining at accenture will certainly remain penned down in the heart and the blog is mere a preface.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
3 Big Days...
There had been times, especially at MANIT, when it felt like we’ve had enough in a very short span of time, lots of events together, lots of emotional swings….but then, I can’t perhaps forget the last three days I’d spent, and probably I might be underestimating them right now, and would lately realize the course of my life that these three days might’ve brought and I might’ve forsaken them.
Day 1, 16th June, brought two lucrative offers, lectureship at SGSITS and an interview call from Yodlee. The first one was rather unexpected, actually both of them were, but more or less it was more surprising. After days of hardships and efforts, finally the fruit had ripened and paved the way for a full-fledged commitment towards something for the time being. There wasn’t a doubt while accepting the offer, considering the job and the salary (14k was too much to think). Then, there was another unexpected call from yodlee, asking for a face-to-face interview at Bangalore on the coming Tuesday. That was rather unusual and unattractive, considering the efforts (time and money, of course…) that were required and my own mindset about the company and the package, of course. Also a tinge of resentment due to their earlier cancellation of telephonic interview proved to be the ‘last nail in the grave’ for dropping the offer. Now, when I think about that day, the yodlee offer seems a chance or an option by the almighty as against the overconfidence I had in Accenture.
Day 2, 17th June, brought news, a bad one actually, that grows my anxiety day by day. Accenture had contacted TPO regarding the delay of joining, which was earlier understood, but not taken seriously due to the ‘good’ reputation of the company, but has now elevated fears after such an official announcement amidst the ‘lose-lose’ situation of many batch mates like us. Not only the security of ‘having a sure-shot job in hand with near joining date’ was breached, but an unsaid trust was broken. It’s like standing on an island, watching the rise of level inch by inch and having a blind faith that we won’t drown, and that shiver felt when for the first time the water touches our feet.
Day 3, 18th June, was perhaps one of the longest days I ever had and the ‘final blow’, so as to say, among the three days. The day started as the first day at SGSITS, as a lecturer, but the classes weren’t commencing so there was none to lecture to. I got to meet my other new fellow mates, who were as excited as I was, and then the HOD of CS department, Mr. Khan Sir, who was awkwardly helpful and energetic. Some ‘strategies’ were discussed with him regarding the subject distribution, teaching methodology, etc. On the way to home after an exhausting discussion, I received a call that was no less than a call from the God himself. It was from the admission section, MDI gurgaon, regarding the vacancy in the PGPHR course opted by me and, rejected and thrown into a waitlist by them, that was never meant to be cleared, but was now in my hands to accept or deny that seat. Was it a destiny’s chance or the Almighty’s way of bringing ‘twist and turn’ into the real life stories like mine, I was dumbstruck, unprepared for such a decision. I couldn’t say yes and never wanted to say no. I asked the person on the line to grant me sometime to reply, and he gave me exactly ‘some’ time of just few hours. Somehow, I composed my lightening thoughts and reached home. Then started a heavy round of discussion with almost everyone I met, or talked over phone, about the possibilities, the consequences and my own limitations. Everyone was more of a ‘convincing’ his own point rather than ‘suggesting’ or at least trying to understand me. Issues like poor placements at MDI, HR course, whooping fees structure and un-arrangeable first installment, bank rates of education loan, average package were discussed from length to breadth. But one thing that couldn’t be cleared was my own interest for which even I wasn’t sure. And one thing that was crystal clear, was the silver (if not golden) opportunity that I was about to abandon. There was a period of ‘yes’ when the discussion was almost leading to my admission, and then after a while or someone’s opinion, it was a ‘no’ and the discussion was flowing towards CAT’09 preparation for better opportunity, PSU jobs, etc. I didn’t know when I was able to drown everything into a blissful sleep, but knew that they would come up again the other morning with the sunrise. Finally, ‘no’ was the answer that gave peace to my soul, and a commitment (more of a ‘surrender’) that this wasn’t an end, even if it was.
The only wish I can make now is that those three days and those tough decisions prove to be apt and even if they don’t, they just teach a healthy lesson, and never become a future ‘remorse’.
Day 1, 16th June, brought two lucrative offers, lectureship at SGSITS and an interview call from Yodlee. The first one was rather unexpected, actually both of them were, but more or less it was more surprising. After days of hardships and efforts, finally the fruit had ripened and paved the way for a full-fledged commitment towards something for the time being. There wasn’t a doubt while accepting the offer, considering the job and the salary (14k was too much to think). Then, there was another unexpected call from yodlee, asking for a face-to-face interview at Bangalore on the coming Tuesday. That was rather unusual and unattractive, considering the efforts (time and money, of course…) that were required and my own mindset about the company and the package, of course. Also a tinge of resentment due to their earlier cancellation of telephonic interview proved to be the ‘last nail in the grave’ for dropping the offer. Now, when I think about that day, the yodlee offer seems a chance or an option by the almighty as against the overconfidence I had in Accenture.
Day 2, 17th June, brought news, a bad one actually, that grows my anxiety day by day. Accenture had contacted TPO regarding the delay of joining, which was earlier understood, but not taken seriously due to the ‘good’ reputation of the company, but has now elevated fears after such an official announcement amidst the ‘lose-lose’ situation of many batch mates like us. Not only the security of ‘having a sure-shot job in hand with near joining date’ was breached, but an unsaid trust was broken. It’s like standing on an island, watching the rise of level inch by inch and having a blind faith that we won’t drown, and that shiver felt when for the first time the water touches our feet.
Day 3, 18th June, was perhaps one of the longest days I ever had and the ‘final blow’, so as to say, among the three days. The day started as the first day at SGSITS, as a lecturer, but the classes weren’t commencing so there was none to lecture to. I got to meet my other new fellow mates, who were as excited as I was, and then the HOD of CS department, Mr. Khan Sir, who was awkwardly helpful and energetic. Some ‘strategies’ were discussed with him regarding the subject distribution, teaching methodology, etc. On the way to home after an exhausting discussion, I received a call that was no less than a call from the God himself. It was from the admission section, MDI gurgaon, regarding the vacancy in the PGPHR course opted by me and, rejected and thrown into a waitlist by them, that was never meant to be cleared, but was now in my hands to accept or deny that seat. Was it a destiny’s chance or the Almighty’s way of bringing ‘twist and turn’ into the real life stories like mine, I was dumbstruck, unprepared for such a decision. I couldn’t say yes and never wanted to say no. I asked the person on the line to grant me sometime to reply, and he gave me exactly ‘some’ time of just few hours. Somehow, I composed my lightening thoughts and reached home. Then started a heavy round of discussion with almost everyone I met, or talked over phone, about the possibilities, the consequences and my own limitations. Everyone was more of a ‘convincing’ his own point rather than ‘suggesting’ or at least trying to understand me. Issues like poor placements at MDI, HR course, whooping fees structure and un-arrangeable first installment, bank rates of education loan, average package were discussed from length to breadth. But one thing that couldn’t be cleared was my own interest for which even I wasn’t sure. And one thing that was crystal clear, was the silver (if not golden) opportunity that I was about to abandon. There was a period of ‘yes’ when the discussion was almost leading to my admission, and then after a while or someone’s opinion, it was a ‘no’ and the discussion was flowing towards CAT’09 preparation for better opportunity, PSU jobs, etc. I didn’t know when I was able to drown everything into a blissful sleep, but knew that they would come up again the other morning with the sunrise. Finally, ‘no’ was the answer that gave peace to my soul, and a commitment (more of a ‘surrender’) that this wasn’t an end, even if it was.
The only wish I can make now is that those three days and those tough decisions prove to be apt and even if they don’t, they just teach a healthy lesson, and never become a future ‘remorse’.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Tough Time...
More than a month has passed leaving MANIT and the phase has changed completely. Clock ticks at a slower pace now, and when there’s nothing specific to do, one can even get caught counting the seconds. But this month has been a longer one for me, spent almost waiting.
The usual task that I can remember during the month was posting and forwarding my pathetic CV, which consists nothing more than a loser’s act of hiding the incompetence. Oops! That’s too harsh on me….
But then, there were lot of things to learn from such a vanity. To begin with, I started valuing my campus placement at accenture, that earlier seemed a cake walk at the time of placements and at that time I felt like obliging them! Then I felt empathy with all those who haven’t gotten through anywhere and have nothing in reserve, who after spending few lakhs on engineering, struggle to get a job worth few grands.
I also felt the sweat of hopelessness oozing out, when the ‘forwarding my CV’-thing didn’t really work due to various different reasons converging to few- my being a NITian, or having a job, or simply the so called recession. I always feared this, but underestimated it, or may be overestimated myself, and not getting into MDI meant 4 months straight in hand that now seem to pass with futility.
But this isn’t all, what really bites is the confusion. The confusion about the course of life, which can be changed by will right now or it may follow the time on its own. ‘Change’ isn’t that dreadful, but when the reason and result of the change isn’t known, one always prefers to stand still.
But then, there were lot of goodies too, my b’day being one of the best days. Met lot of friends, got lots of wishes, both expected and as a surprise. A get together now seems the best option to kill time that we enjoy every few days.
The pain of leaving friends and college is now getting replaced slowly, by a new pain, of getting left behind in the rush of time.
The usual task that I can remember during the month was posting and forwarding my pathetic CV, which consists nothing more than a loser’s act of hiding the incompetence. Oops! That’s too harsh on me….
But then, there were lot of things to learn from such a vanity. To begin with, I started valuing my campus placement at accenture, that earlier seemed a cake walk at the time of placements and at that time I felt like obliging them! Then I felt empathy with all those who haven’t gotten through anywhere and have nothing in reserve, who after spending few lakhs on engineering, struggle to get a job worth few grands.
I also felt the sweat of hopelessness oozing out, when the ‘forwarding my CV’-thing didn’t really work due to various different reasons converging to few- my being a NITian, or having a job, or simply the so called recession. I always feared this, but underestimated it, or may be overestimated myself, and not getting into MDI meant 4 months straight in hand that now seem to pass with futility.
But this isn’t all, what really bites is the confusion. The confusion about the course of life, which can be changed by will right now or it may follow the time on its own. ‘Change’ isn’t that dreadful, but when the reason and result of the change isn’t known, one always prefers to stand still.
But then, there were lot of goodies too, my b’day being one of the best days. Met lot of friends, got lots of wishes, both expected and as a surprise. A get together now seems the best option to kill time that we enjoy every few days.
The pain of leaving friends and college is now getting replaced slowly, by a new pain, of getting left behind in the rush of time.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
will not miss MANIT...
Goodbyes are all around…..finally those hard moments have come which I tried to push, but the time waits for none…people have started packing their bags, are making sure that not a trace is left…..but somewhere something is still missing, that they’ve forgotten…..a part of them is still here and it’ll remain here forever, like a ghost.
But I won’t miss MANIT, not a bit of it….all these four years are long enough…now one should move on. But may be everything won’t be normal soon….
Driving the bike at full throttle won’t be adventurous anywhere like what it used to be at mata mandir, new market and every inch of road of Bhopal……
Every morning when I would wake up, I would miss my small hostel room with stone hard bed and even the cushion of my bedroom won’t do….the delicious breakfast at home might not match the pathetic snacks at hostels for few days…..there won’t be any more classes to go to…..and if somehow I step into a place like that, and sit on the back-bench, giggles of ashish and ravish would echo in my ears and the voice of keshav saying “aaj dekh kya sahi lag rahi hai wo…”, would make turn n look for a glimpse of her....
Sitting on the PC would always make me sign in to gtalk and wait for a buzz to come from aditi with a smiley and a ‘hi’…..No more examinations will be conducted and if they would, I would always look at the person in front and somewhere my heart would ask “priya, 3rd ka 2nd part bata na”……no more eyes would look upon me asking objectives……
There won’t be rahul to whom I could ask weird questions about weird girls…..movies won’t be fun without watching them with Munna……no one would ever make any poems on me except Save……Nothing would sound more clear other than Illad’s pathetic hindi…..And I won’t be able to light a cigarette without Mradul saying TBM….
I wonder who will give me updates of college and the world without Jitu being there… certainly there won’t be a player like Shreyas at the pool tables anymore ….and a real friend like Apoorv who would read my eyes and lend a soothing hand on my shoulders…..and hell, I won’t get a buddy like Surya to take him with me wherever I want to, spill all the sentiments whenever I would be high, or just lay on his bed when I feel alone….
No more home-made stuff would be there to pounce upon, no more b’day contri parties, no more beautiful girls to go to college for, no more SMSs from a sweet junior, no more jolly Shubhi to talk to, endlessly, or fight with…No more PJs from Mr. Avi Maheshwari, no more whistlers like Jha and commentators like Devendraji…..studs like Ringo, and Waiky…..true leaders like Gireesh….
No more night outs, counter strike thrills, country side dhabas, matamandir tea stalls, prison break episodes, high volume rock band songs….and many crazier things.
............And, then, when I would look into the mirror, it would be hard to recognize this Naveen from what used to be something like ‘NJ/67’……and then I'll know I'm not missing MANIT, I'm missing my life.....
But I won’t miss MANIT, not a bit of it….all these four years are long enough…now one should move on. But may be everything won’t be normal soon….
Driving the bike at full throttle won’t be adventurous anywhere like what it used to be at mata mandir, new market and every inch of road of Bhopal……
Every morning when I would wake up, I would miss my small hostel room with stone hard bed and even the cushion of my bedroom won’t do….the delicious breakfast at home might not match the pathetic snacks at hostels for few days…..there won’t be any more classes to go to…..and if somehow I step into a place like that, and sit on the back-bench, giggles of ashish and ravish would echo in my ears and the voice of keshav saying “aaj dekh kya sahi lag rahi hai wo…”, would make turn n look for a glimpse of her....
Sitting on the PC would always make me sign in to gtalk and wait for a buzz to come from aditi with a smiley and a ‘hi’…..No more examinations will be conducted and if they would, I would always look at the person in front and somewhere my heart would ask “priya, 3rd ka 2nd part bata na”……no more eyes would look upon me asking objectives……
There won’t be rahul to whom I could ask weird questions about weird girls…..movies won’t be fun without watching them with Munna……no one would ever make any poems on me except Save……Nothing would sound more clear other than Illad’s pathetic hindi…..And I won’t be able to light a cigarette without Mradul saying TBM….
I wonder who will give me updates of college and the world without Jitu being there… certainly there won’t be a player like Shreyas at the pool tables anymore ….and a real friend like Apoorv who would read my eyes and lend a soothing hand on my shoulders…..and hell, I won’t get a buddy like Surya to take him with me wherever I want to, spill all the sentiments whenever I would be high, or just lay on his bed when I feel alone….
No more home-made stuff would be there to pounce upon, no more b’day contri parties, no more beautiful girls to go to college for, no more SMSs from a sweet junior, no more jolly Shubhi to talk to, endlessly, or fight with…No more PJs from Mr. Avi Maheshwari, no more whistlers like Jha and commentators like Devendraji…..studs like Ringo, and Waiky…..true leaders like Gireesh….
No more night outs, counter strike thrills, country side dhabas, matamandir tea stalls, prison break episodes, high volume rock band songs….and many crazier things.
............And, then, when I would look into the mirror, it would be hard to recognize this Naveen from what used to be something like ‘NJ/67’……and then I'll know I'm not missing MANIT, I'm missing my life.....
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
we part to meet again..
A new morning has begun…..i woke up earlier today, and after a long time, could hear the chirping of the birds. The wind was still cool and fresh and rushed into me. With its revival, the morning brings calmness, a new start, a new life….But then, the tranquility was within…..
Yesterday, we went to Hostel no. 2….from where our journey began and that seemed longer than four years then…..but it was not. Time went back, like a roller coaster of memories….four years passed like four beautiful moments….and then we stood there….our birth place, hostel no.2, room no.2116. The room, me, surya, tomar and all the indoris where the friendship was born and culminated and nourished by the togetherness, those naughty jokes, night outs, fragile sentiments, strong brotherhood, music, chattering, shouts, and some unsaid but heard sobs. Everything was as clear as the sky.
And we stood there, looking at each other, recognizing how we’d looked then, and what we’d become now…..changes brought by will or circumstances. But we were all the same; deep down inside we were again those vulnerable first year fresher. Or may be still we are, with a shield of four years to protect this innocence from the world and to tackle and accept newer challenges. Every one seemed on the verge to cry or at least to drop one tear from the eyes, the tear that could perhaps leave a trace of our existence on that place forever….but we didn’t. We waited for each other, gave strength to each other that we’ll still be together no matter what time or place. Or may be we felt short of tears, our eyes might have dried, or our smiles might have taken over. Nothing felt more valuable than those days, we could have paid any price to get them back, but we were all spent. Everything that starts has a relevant ending, I always thought. And indeed it is that everything ends in a similar fashion and in a similar time and may be at the similar place, in my experience.
Before few days, things were different and after few days, they may be a lot more different. Yesterday was a juncture, a turning point with the uncertainty of where the new road will lead, or whether the roads were different for each of us? That scared us most. Perhaps, we all stood at the common square for the last time, till where we’ve made our way together, hand in hand. Did we hold our hands for the last time and swiftly parted without a thought of it in our mind? I hope destiny proves me wrong again, at least this time, with its rule of
“We meet to part and part to meet again”
Yesterday, we went to Hostel no. 2….from where our journey began and that seemed longer than four years then…..but it was not. Time went back, like a roller coaster of memories….four years passed like four beautiful moments….and then we stood there….our birth place, hostel no.2, room no.2116. The room, me, surya, tomar and all the indoris where the friendship was born and culminated and nourished by the togetherness, those naughty jokes, night outs, fragile sentiments, strong brotherhood, music, chattering, shouts, and some unsaid but heard sobs. Everything was as clear as the sky.
And we stood there, looking at each other, recognizing how we’d looked then, and what we’d become now…..changes brought by will or circumstances. But we were all the same; deep down inside we were again those vulnerable first year fresher. Or may be still we are, with a shield of four years to protect this innocence from the world and to tackle and accept newer challenges. Every one seemed on the verge to cry or at least to drop one tear from the eyes, the tear that could perhaps leave a trace of our existence on that place forever….but we didn’t. We waited for each other, gave strength to each other that we’ll still be together no matter what time or place. Or may be we felt short of tears, our eyes might have dried, or our smiles might have taken over. Nothing felt more valuable than those days, we could have paid any price to get them back, but we were all spent. Everything that starts has a relevant ending, I always thought. And indeed it is that everything ends in a similar fashion and in a similar time and may be at the similar place, in my experience.
Before few days, things were different and after few days, they may be a lot more different. Yesterday was a juncture, a turning point with the uncertainty of where the new road will lead, or whether the roads were different for each of us? That scared us most. Perhaps, we all stood at the common square for the last time, till where we’ve made our way together, hand in hand. Did we hold our hands for the last time and swiftly parted without a thought of it in our mind? I hope destiny proves me wrong again, at least this time, with its rule of
“We meet to part and part to meet again”
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Friends, orkut n some old memories...
Friendship, by definition, is nothing actually. It’s just a sense of togetherness or a feeling of companionship. In the four years at MANIT, I’ve had numerous experiences (by myself or by seeing others) that there’s no criterion of friendship. And if there’s no criterion, it’s weird to define it. Two of them can be as distinct as nothing in common, different tastes, different lifestyles, ethics, ambitions, culture. What really binds them is out of my scope of understanding, and probably for this reason, I call friendship as an attribute of life, something that every living creature possesses, like that of a maternal love.
Just browsing over my friends’ list at orkut, were these weird thoughts browsing in my mind. With every profile, I could remember some old memories attached with that person, how had our friendship been, and what it is today. Some are with me right now, but many are not. Some were added to me long before, and some are recent. Some good friends, some acquaintances, and some even ‘haven’t met’ types. There were those whom I’ve added and wanted to be in touch always, but probably couldn’t, may be due to the changing phases that come in every friendship. This is something that actually shouldn’t happen as we’ve always read and said-“distance doesn’t matter in friendship”, but we don’t believe, infact can’t believe, because somewhere deep inside everyone knows that distances do make us apart. What is left is formality.
Then, there were friends whom I used to talk a lot online, but could see them pass by without saying even a ‘hi’. That was a kind of hypocrisy, or escapism. But none can be blamed. Then there were some, who I always wanted to be friends but didn’t have any guts to even speak to, and the best I could do to make myself happy is that send them a friend’s request and wait for their move. Some had been removed deliberately because of the indifference or from the irritation of not being in touch due to their low presence orkut. To some, I wanted to write a testimonial to express how good and important they are to me, and hope the same in future.
These aren’t just the feelings that one has regarding ‘orkut friends’, but it applies even in our lives. Orkut is a way we can recognize and distinguish those feelings with different people we meet, we come across and those who fill the empty spaces in our lives, share our happiness and sorrows, and make a good friendship.
With this blog, I don’t want to appreciate orkut (still can’t deny its role), but just want to express that friendship isn’t about being good friends, it’s in a broader sense, a relation with each and every person that plays an important role in the drama called ‘life’.
Just browsing over my friends’ list at orkut, were these weird thoughts browsing in my mind. With every profile, I could remember some old memories attached with that person, how had our friendship been, and what it is today. Some are with me right now, but many are not. Some were added to me long before, and some are recent. Some good friends, some acquaintances, and some even ‘haven’t met’ types. There were those whom I’ve added and wanted to be in touch always, but probably couldn’t, may be due to the changing phases that come in every friendship. This is something that actually shouldn’t happen as we’ve always read and said-“distance doesn’t matter in friendship”, but we don’t believe, infact can’t believe, because somewhere deep inside everyone knows that distances do make us apart. What is left is formality.
Then, there were friends whom I used to talk a lot online, but could see them pass by without saying even a ‘hi’. That was a kind of hypocrisy, or escapism. But none can be blamed. Then there were some, who I always wanted to be friends but didn’t have any guts to even speak to, and the best I could do to make myself happy is that send them a friend’s request and wait for their move. Some had been removed deliberately because of the indifference or from the irritation of not being in touch due to their low presence orkut. To some, I wanted to write a testimonial to express how good and important they are to me, and hope the same in future.
These aren’t just the feelings that one has regarding ‘orkut friends’, but it applies even in our lives. Orkut is a way we can recognize and distinguish those feelings with different people we meet, we come across and those who fill the empty spaces in our lives, share our happiness and sorrows, and make a good friendship.
With this blog, I don’t want to appreciate orkut (still can’t deny its role), but just want to express that friendship isn’t about being good friends, it’s in a broader sense, a relation with each and every person that plays an important role in the drama called ‘life’.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Identity Crisis..
Ever thought of what you want to see yourself become after 5-10 years? Ever thought that where you are today was not the best option you got when you were given choices? Ever thought of the butterfly effect of you own decisions, and where they might have led? Ever questioned yourself - 'where the hell I'v ended up' or 'what next now' or 'what is it that I'm really worth'? Ever got confused over your own interests, strengths, weaknesses, achievements...?
If even few of these questions ever haunted you, then probably you too are the member of the community, the sufferers of 'identity crisis'...Oh no...its not some sort of mental diorder, as it might seem....its just being wayward to your own self, and then getting confused over 'what i am and what i could?' Its a feeling - standing on a square and wondering which road to follow....without actually knowing the destination!!
Talking about its cause, it should be 'competition' in my opinion. But there might be others like lack of guidance, social aspects, family background, economic conditions....so and so...But then, one might choose his own path, fight the society, leave the background behind, beat his penury.....but, its pretty tough to compete with thousands( to say the least..), similar swimmers in this narrow pond, where everyone wants to rise up, drag down the rest, and come out as the winner....or atleast as a survivor. And Then what...?? The story repeats again....fight for another goal.
The present perspective is 'Learn, to earn'. Money has become a priority in the society, and one can't do justice with his own self. One could find many engineers who could become cricketers, many doctors who could become singers, or painters who'd become something else.....against their soul, and their talent.
But, there are many more pathetic cases....who still don't know what they could become and why they are what they've become...unable to identify themselves....lost in the crowd....trying to find a trail, a clue, a mentor....Who will guide them,lead them, take them towards their own soul, help them search themselves.....?
Who will guide me....
If even few of these questions ever haunted you, then probably you too are the member of the community, the sufferers of 'identity crisis'...Oh no...its not some sort of mental diorder, as it might seem....its just being wayward to your own self, and then getting confused over 'what i am and what i could?' Its a feeling - standing on a square and wondering which road to follow....without actually knowing the destination!!
Talking about its cause, it should be 'competition' in my opinion. But there might be others like lack of guidance, social aspects, family background, economic conditions....so and so...But then, one might choose his own path, fight the society, leave the background behind, beat his penury.....but, its pretty tough to compete with thousands( to say the least..), similar swimmers in this narrow pond, where everyone wants to rise up, drag down the rest, and come out as the winner....or atleast as a survivor. And Then what...?? The story repeats again....fight for another goal.
The present perspective is 'Learn, to earn'. Money has become a priority in the society, and one can't do justice with his own self. One could find many engineers who could become cricketers, many doctors who could become singers, or painters who'd become something else.....against their soul, and their talent.
But, there are many more pathetic cases....who still don't know what they could become and why they are what they've become...unable to identify themselves....lost in the crowd....trying to find a trail, a clue, a mentor....Who will guide them,lead them, take them towards their own soul, help them search themselves.....?
Who will guide me....
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Good and Bad....
I had a very interesting noteworthy experience today....came to know one of my friends has quit drinking, seriously. I had heard many of my frns say this earlier but that ws just ephemeral. But this one was very committed, n I had to ask him "wsup dude, wat hapened..?? Any girl came in ur life..??" Why was I asking him the reason when he was doing a good job or sumthing that should be positive...?
Aftrwards I realised this notion - For all good things to happen, we always figure out the reason behind it. Like when I askd him abt his positive decision, we all do. But for bad things, we never try to find out its reason. Like I never remember myself or any1 ask this to his friends- "Dude, y r u smoking, or drinking, or y r u cheating, y r u telling a lie..." or anything like that.
Every good move has a reason behind it, n every bad move doesn't, except for the simple reason or fact that it leads to destruction (which can b said to b undrstood by us sumwhr in our conscience). Destruction of character, or destruction of morals, or destruction of health or the destruction of soul...
Also, with my own little experience of 'good' and 'bad', I realise that evry gud move needs efforts, n a bad move doesn't. Why do we always tend towards bad things more easily then gud ones.....?? Well, I guess, the simplest answer is that - falling freely is easier than climbing up !! n to make a complex point, I guess we , humans, are always attracted to short term, small pleasures or adventures that a bad move myt provide. We always know, in our animus, that what is 'right' n wat is 'wrong'...n we expect ppl to behave the 'right' way....but we, ourselves, want to try out the wrong way too...atleast for a while.
Now, for such behaviour, I'm not able to deduce the reason...n I call it 'natural human tendency'...perhaps, it looks like more of an escapists' justification, rather than a reasonable assertion...what do ya say...??
Aftrwards I realised this notion - For all good things to happen, we always figure out the reason behind it. Like when I askd him abt his positive decision, we all do. But for bad things, we never try to find out its reason. Like I never remember myself or any1 ask this to his friends- "Dude, y r u smoking, or drinking, or y r u cheating, y r u telling a lie..." or anything like that.
Every good move has a reason behind it, n every bad move doesn't, except for the simple reason or fact that it leads to destruction (which can b said to b undrstood by us sumwhr in our conscience). Destruction of character, or destruction of morals, or destruction of health or the destruction of soul...
Also, with my own little experience of 'good' and 'bad', I realise that evry gud move needs efforts, n a bad move doesn't. Why do we always tend towards bad things more easily then gud ones.....?? Well, I guess, the simplest answer is that - falling freely is easier than climbing up !! n to make a complex point, I guess we , humans, are always attracted to short term, small pleasures or adventures that a bad move myt provide. We always know, in our animus, that what is 'right' n wat is 'wrong'...n we expect ppl to behave the 'right' way....but we, ourselves, want to try out the wrong way too...atleast for a while.
Now, for such behaviour, I'm not able to deduce the reason...n I call it 'natural human tendency'...perhaps, it looks like more of an escapists' justification, rather than a reasonable assertion...what do ya say...??
A new beginning....
Well.....just turning the pages of my small blog...(not exactly 'turning the pages' as one cant..!!), I just came to know that almost a year has passed since this was created.....
Had a gud start as few ppl read, n fewer commented...but then a lot things changed n a lot more incidents happened...that were probably worth writing down...(not to show or tell sum1...but myself)...
i remember being an 'okay' writer....but then, lost interest in it fr sumtym now.....(as it happens with evrything i do...all the tym)...
But then, here's this 'new beginning'...with this new year '09....I commit to keep myself alive...my blog, thoughts, n evrything that a heart wants to say,remember, n share...!!
Right now, ther's no specific topic to write about, but thr r lot of unwritten thought....soon to pop up from the mind, to this blog page....
Adieu for now..!
Had a gud start as few ppl read, n fewer commented...but then a lot things changed n a lot more incidents happened...that were probably worth writing down...(not to show or tell sum1...but myself)...
i remember being an 'okay' writer....but then, lost interest in it fr sumtym now.....(as it happens with evrything i do...all the tym)...
But then, here's this 'new beginning'...with this new year '09....I commit to keep myself alive...my blog, thoughts, n evrything that a heart wants to say,remember, n share...!!
Right now, ther's no specific topic to write about, but thr r lot of unwritten thought....soon to pop up from the mind, to this blog page....
Adieu for now..!
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